For the past few months I have been cocooning in my crysalis, retreating from aspects of my life in order to wayfind my way through a period of immense metamorphosis.
It’s been a mammoth time of letting go in every sense. I’ve been poked and prodded to relinquish control.
The intensity of change, and perceived roadblocks to happiness terrified me to the point where at times I couldn’t see the light. Momentarily I lost direction as I feverishly tried to find a way to smash my way through by sheer will. I came very close to making hasty decisions that would’ve seen me repeating my past habit of accepting mediocrity in the belief that’s all there is.
If only I could quickly skip through pain and discomfort. I was stuck in the belief I had ‘lost’ twelve years and having to start my life all over again. Languishing in a prolonged meantime equated to time running out.
My Body Told The Truth
Tests came from every angle and in a rapid fire sequence. I wanted to hide. The fear of failure and judgement haunted me. I kept it together at work, veiling fear and grief behind a smile and bravado. There were many times when away from work the bravado wavered though. My body was also revealing truth.
A viral throat condition transitioned into a silent reflux (apparently caused by stress) that removed my ability to speak. Ironically, when I most needed to voice my truth, it had up and fled.
I couldn’t even rise out of my darkness by singing my heart out as I had been doing up until that point. Singing in my head doesn’t really do the same thing.
Metaphysically the throat and reflux issues made a lot of sense. I had bought into a belief of powerlessness. The reflux and loss of voice were signposts that my solar plexus and throat chakras were struggling. Something needed to change.
Listening & Letting Go
These health woes were guiding me to reflect and slow down.
Whilst without a voice and dealing with a particularly stressful situation, I realised I had the power to choose me. And joy along with peace. I brandished my white flag, choosing to retreat from this particular battle. Clarity grew in regard to what was important for me, and what was wasted energy. I proceeded forth honouring me.
Despite health challenges, my physical body has been shifting and changing in response to a big commitment I made to myself. To let go of my habit of comfort eating.
Flour and refined sugar have disappeared from my diet thanks to guidance from a personal trainer. And with that numerous health benefits have been realised, including a renewed mental acuity. The migraines have also pretty much gone.
Whilst I felt this physical metamorphosis happening over the past few months, the extent of the change was a huge surprise. I hadn’t really taken stock until Rosie messaged me the photo montage below the other day with the comment, “Wow!”
Sometimes when we focus on what we can’t control, we don’t take the time to acknowledge how far we’ve actually come.
In the past few weeks I have made yet another change. I moved into a cosy, quiet little short term rental that overlooks a lovely flower garden. With this move, the next phase of metamorphosis will unfold gently.
Healing is Love
I’ve learnt over the past few years how important it is to honour myself and to be comfortable with who I am (the good and the not so good).
It’s important to remember that those initial steps toward honouring myself over the past couple of years have led me to my current ‘adventure’ of self-discovery. It’s not by mistake I’m experiencing this big life change right now. I’m taking a master class in love. And healing.
Feature photo courtesy of Pixabay.