Experiencing drastic change and grief does not always lead to sadness and depression. We are able to experience these feelings without attachment. These feelings can shine a light on the path ahead that will lead us to fulfilment.
A beautiful friend chatted to me the other day about a desire to withdraw from people following recent changes and realisations about her life. Being a very open, extroverted person her “go to” approach to life has always to be out there in the throng of life. Helping others in any way possible and being the life and light of the party is what she is does. Unfortunately people don’t always perceive that this behaviour is the mechanism through which this lady side-steps deeply emotional stuff so she doesn’t have to deal with them in the moment.
A Big Time of Healing
Eventually these deeply personal emotions and feelings rise to the surface to be looked at and healed. We all deal with this differently. What I have noticed over recent months is that many of us being strongly guided to turn within. It is an innately strong desire to just be in our own space, and to think about where we are at in our lives. There is a strong pull to sit in the arising feelings and observe them with curiosity despite the pain they hold. The desire to understand why we feel like the way we do is strong. In essence, whilst in this space we are running toward our sorrow, anger and grief rather than running away from it. Furthermore, we can see that on the other side of our sorrow, anger and grief there is joy.
The understanding and healing inevitably surfaces within us with compassion and understanding if we allow it. It is quite a magical thing when it happens.
No Need To Do. Just Be.
For those people close to my friend, it has been difficult for them listening to her questioning what is happening in her life. They want to pull her close and fear the worst when she declines social invitations in preference of her own company. It is a very scary thing to experience a sense of helplessness when someone close to us experiences sorrow and grief. We want to make it go away. We do not consider it to be an aspect of a healing process. It is unbearable. We want to dissipate the discomfort so we end up doing things to try and “fix” our loved one’s problem. The person going through sorrow, grief and anger is in the midst of healing themselves, a reality that we overlook as we feverishly find ways to make the pain go away.
The Greatest Gift To Each Other
I have mentioned this before, but we are all interconnected. And perhaps that discomfort you are currently experiencing in relation to your loved one is actually your own. It is highly possible that your friend or family member, by openly being in their own emotions, has triggered some old deeply buried emotions within you. This is an opportunity for you to engage in some healing all of your own.
Feeling strong emotions can be a very scary experience. To watch those close to you go through an experience of emotional, heart-felt soul-searching can be challenging. Please know though that at the other end of this bridge of intense feeling and contemplation, there is the opportunity for joy, happiness and fulfilment. Trust in this. Also trust in their capacity to know and nurture themselves when they feel the pull to retreat.
But What If It Is Depression Setting In?
Over the past few years there have been a few people in my life who have endured depression. Some of them have been suicidal. The big thing that I personally learnt whilst walking beside them in their journeys is that when someone is depressed, you can’t “make” them happy. You can’t change things for them or make the pain go away. This is something they need to do. However, just being there when they need to talk or to let them know that someone is beside them without expectation of anything, that can be the greatest gift you can offer.
Be gentle with one another! The pending festive season might be a bit rough for some of our loved ones. Understand that. Just let them be with love and let them know you are there.
I hope reading this helps!
Anne McCormack is author of the book, Lovitude: Trying To Calm The Monkey Mind and the award-winning, Peacock Dreaming: The Wisdom Of Flowers.
Feature photo courtesy of Pixabay
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