I have heard that when something is “meant to be” it happens with ease. There are no internal battles or ridiculous road blocks. Instead it feels like you have been placed on a conveyor belt and everything falls into place. Sounds divine, hey! I am beginning to wonder though whether sometimes those road blocks happen in order to test us and show us just how much we have grown.
In the past few weeks I have experienced some significant tests relating to patience. Whilst working through these moments I received an awareness of how much I have previously been making life so difficult for myself.
I have experienced times when things have fallen into place before in a seamless fashion. However, I have never been in a mental space to acknowledge the blessings in the given moment. It has historically been in retrospect that I have been able to acknowledge the magic of manifestation with ease.
In the past I have driven myself to the point of being an exhausted wreck in the process of proving my worthiness. Waiting for news becomes an agony I inflict on myself as I sit and obsess what I could have done better and where I had gone wrong. Where there has been a lack of communication on news of progress, I have prompted and pushed to provoke a response. Whilst this is all happening I have historically spiralled into a negative space, feeding the inner victim with woes.
Calm in the Midst of Change
Over the past few weeks I have been going through the process of applying for a new job. I have been ready to make a change for a while. Finding the right role for myself has been crucial, particularly as I accept my writing career has a long way to go before it takes full flight.
About a month ago I saw a job being advertised that piqued my interest. The job description sparkled, and I felt at ease with the role description. Much of the role I had done before so I was confident I would do well. I submitted my application through to the organisation’s careers portal.
Two weeks after I submitted the job application, I pondered when I would be hearing about an interview. Living in a regional town in New Zealand, local project managers with my skill-set are not a ‘run of the mill’ commodity. Instead of rushing to follow the organisation up with a follow up phone call, I chose to relax and remain confident in what I had to offer. They would phone when they are ready. I was pleasantly surprised by the lack of anxiety or stress I experienced. Instead there was a reassuring sense of peace and a knowing.
Another week passed and still no news. I remained calm. One Friday morning, I found myself trying to resist the urge to phone. There was a nagging voice in my head saying, “Phone now. Phone now.” I resisted. I had been doing so well in not chasing and regressing into a blithering state. Experiencing this confident, peaceful me was awesome, and furthermore I was enjoying going with the flow. Who would have thought I could do that! Alas, the prompts to contact the organisation persisted. I relented and made the call.
A game of ‘telephone tag’ ensued for the remainder of the afternoon. I could feel a sense of anxiety stirring in the pit of my stomach with the lack of clarity, but it did not build. I was aware of it but I did not emotionally attach to it. The negative, victim mindset kept her distance in the deep recesses of my mind thankfully and I was able to get a decent night’s sleep. The following morning, I awoke to an email from the recruiter thanking me for phoning as my application had gone missing in their system. The email reassured me that with my phone call, all was now back on track, especially as the interviews were in the throes of being scheduled for the following week.
A New Awareness
This experience has provided me with an awareness as to how my ego can drown out my intuition. If I had not honoured that inner voice imploring me to make that phone call, my job application would have gone unnoticed.
As it stands, the process of applying for this new job has been a convoluted and lengthy process that is still continuing. Following numerous interviews and reference checks, the organisation asked me to undertake a practical test to demonstrate my report writing abilities. The old me would have been a stressed and anxious mess, full of self-doubt, especially when confronted by an introduction of a new test seemingly tacked on to the end of the recruitment process. A few years ago I would have lamented, “Are they thinking I am still not good enough?”. The new me has been able to take it all in my stride. I know what I have to offer. One confident foot is placed firmly in front of the other.
I am still unsure when I will have confirmation regarding the new job. As long as I remain centred and in the present, I will have a clear mind to act when I am guided. In the meantime, irrespective of goal posts shifting and chaos, I am sitting here happy, confident, ready to meet the next challenge ‘head on’, and full of gratitude.
Feature photo courtesy of Pixabay
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