As I prepared for a long-awaited road trip last weekend, it dawned on me I am free to choose the life I desire without restriction. Or guilt or shame. And yet whilst acknowledging this revelation, I nearly talked myself out of accepting these opportunities for emotional healing through mindfulness.
I loaded my gear into the ute, with a quiver of doubt flickering in my mind. “How can I justify this journey”. I stopped what I was doing. I stood there a moment, catatonic with my bag lying at my feet and this question rattling around my head.
This trip to Wharariki was something I had ached for over the past year or so. I had visualised myself photographing the archway islands so often. However, each and every time I started planning, the voice of guilt would speak up. This inner voice chastised me for the money spent on fuel and the time it would take to drive there. It had previously talked me out of making the journey. The weird thing is, those thoughts have never belonged to me despite the inner voice belonging to me. Somehow I had gathered up these thoughts from other people as if they were my own.
Shutting That Voice Down
There was more to this road trip than just photographing the scenery. I needed this time and experience for my own wellbeing. I needed to devote time to my own emotional journey and to allow myself the opportunity to express it in any way I felt inclined without worrying how it would impact on people around me. And so, I told that bloody inner voice of mine to right royally bugger off!
Recognising Universal Support Through Mindfulness
As it turned out, the Universe had my back. I had Wharariki to myself. Even though I bawled my eyes out in the dunes, it felt healing and nurturing. I was letting go of pain, disappointment and hurt.
I was the only person alive enjoying the sunset and sunrise, apart from an American photographer who had slept in the dunes filming meteor showers.
Mother Nature put on a wonderful show. The soft pastel colours were gentle and loving, providing just the energy I needed in that moment. Walking through the fresh, vivid green pastures of the nearby farmland I felt I could finally breathe with my heart wide open.
Being in nature does wonders for my emotional self. The feelings I am experiencing lately are intense. And yet, as the tears stream down my face, nature reminds me that life continues. Where there are endings, there are opportunities for new beginnings. There is renewal.
As I walked back to my accommodation, I heard rustling behind some bushes. Moving in for a closer look, I saw an old friend standing on the deck of the cafe located near the entrance of the track.
His presence took me back to a special spiritual realisation I had experienced an eternity ago when my own peacock and peahen taught me about love, and the acknowledgement of my dreams and aspirations. The perfect reminder for me gifted by my spiritual totem.
If I had listened to that inner voice and persisted with pushing on without feeling and releasing these emotions, I could have easily sunk into a hopeless mindset. And yet, honouring myself and allowing myself to experience the healing power of nature allowed me to surrender, experience and release all of those feelings in a space of love and compassion.
Feature photo courtesy of Pixabay.