Today whilst contemplating patterns and synchronous events, I realised that everything has been coming back to the joy of living and the sanctity of life.
It has certainly been an intense experience lesson all in all. January last year I walked beside my dear friend as she talked of ending her life. It is not an experience I wish to repeat. It was scary and damn confronting. However, with the horror of the experience there was joy at the realisation of love and connection as this remarkable lady sought help and made strong inroads toward turning her life around. I also learnt a lot about my capacity to remain emotionally steady and calm in the thick of turmoil.
A 360 Perspective
2018 has been a year for confronting mortality from a number of angles (again). However, whilst 2016 and 2017 were a punch in the nose (in regard to family health), this year it has been about living in the full sense of the word (not just breathing and existing but thriving with joy and vitality).
I started emotionally carrying the burden of another’s perceived lack of responsibility in regard to self-care decisions. However, the penny dropped when I saw them delighting in something they would not have had the energy to do if they were undergoing aggressive treatment. In that moment, I understood the other side of choosing to “live”.
Any judgement or point of view that I have in regard to their decisions is pointless, particularly given that I am only an observer and not privy to the details of their personal circumstances. However, the realisation about joyous living in the moment has been poignant. Once again, it has reinforced the point that everything is about choice.
You can be alive and healthy and frittering away the opportunity for joy through self-pity or martyrdom. Alternatively, you can just choose to live life fully with joy.
For a while I struggled with this “either/or” approach to joy and living. It is not that easy for those with a chemical imbalance who struggle with seeing the light. However, my friend who I nearly lost at the beginning of the year showed me that by making a choice to seek help and actively pursue joy, there is always hope.
A Desire to Live Fully
Life is indeed short. Definitely too finite to continue putting my own needs and joy aside for concern it will upset others and cause conflict.
I have stood my ground this year, more than I really ever have. As a result I have rekindled a much-loved passion for practicing Aromatherapy, spiritualism and going out to listen to live Celtic folk music.
The recognition that I have a choice in every situation has been a gift. It is also scary as I understand there may be some aspects of my current life that may fall away if I am not fully accepted as I am. However, I understand if this happens it will be a positive, empowering situation which will open up more opportunities for choice.
For the interim though, I am happy to just be in the moment. Taking one step at a time and making one choice after another as if they are stepping stones toward fulfilment.
I have no idea where 2019 is leading me. However, I know the ride will be an interesting one.
Feature photo courtesy of Pixabay